don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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