Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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