I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
