Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
God, I missed his penis.
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