YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
