i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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