A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
