Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Randomize
