So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
