I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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