im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
