Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
