There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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