So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
