Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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