i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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