I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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