All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
