And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
