I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
