My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
should my penis look like a turkey
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
