you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
