I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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