Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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