ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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