What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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