I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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