508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
