never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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