You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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