if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
