I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
