No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize