I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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