all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
