the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
