could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
