Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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