The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
