Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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