Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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