How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
