sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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