i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
