Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize