youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
