there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
