My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
