dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
