i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
