You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
