I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
