Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
