Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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