he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
