The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
