you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
