My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
