Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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