Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
