I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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