I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
