I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
