I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
