Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
