Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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