Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
