She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
