This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
