Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
