She said her name was "party"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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