She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
