i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
