My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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