if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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