party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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