Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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