these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
