New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
