i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
