The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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