My nipple is on Facebook.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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