Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
