Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
