waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
