True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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