How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize