im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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