She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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